Hate Month

March is Hate Month on Nantucket – miserable weather and cranky people and not enough money and too much to do.

That’s fine with me. I hate everything these days. I’ve become a hater. Hate is the new love. Hate is the new black. I hate republicans, wholly owned by corporate interests, who make obscenely rich greed monsters richer, I hate the greed monsters and their spoiled children and overweight entitled friends who make waitresses cry when their steak is over-cooked. I hate the steaks themselves, even though I eat them, and the industrial cattle processing with its sick cows and antibiotics and its lake sized waste pools.

I hate the corporations who take the tops off of mountains and the corporate spokesmen who explain why It’s okay. I hate the drugs they advertise on television with their freakish lists of side-effects and the doctors who prescribe them and the druggists who sell them and the suckers who ask their doctors if Dipraximil “is right” for them. The price is right, that’s all that matters.

I hate Democrats who pretend to be better than Republicans, and then do the exact same stuff because they’re owned by the exact same people. I hate the stupid reality shows on television and the bad comedies and the jaded pukes who write and direct them, and the fools who watch them. I hate other people’s dogs, crapping on the sidewalk. I hate my dog crapping on the rug.

I hate stupid people who think they’re smart and dull people who think they’re interesting. I hate people who think they can write, and people who think they can sing and people who think they can drive. Newsflash: your stories are trite, your song is off key and you’re supposed to signal before you switch lanes and cut me off. I hate the cars choking every highway in the country and I drive one so I hate myself, too. But not enough to ride a bike.

I hate 24-hour cable news channels that can only tell one story a day. There was a tsunami in Japan, but there was also a 100,000 person rally in Madison Wisconsin yesterday. I hate Scott Walker, taking out his tax breaks on working people and Chris Christie doing the same thing and all other politicians working like wage slaves for the top 400. I hate the top four hundred individual people who own half the wealth of this country. Let’s just give it all to them and they can be Pharaohs, with a nation of slaves. We can build their pyramids.

I hate the South. I hate the bigots who wish they still had slavery, and the slimy rhetoric they use to cover that up. I hate the Supreme Court. I hate Scalia and his lapdog Clarence Thomas especially. I hate all branches of government now.

I hate cops and I hate criminals. I hate everyone who gets a perverted kick out of exercising any little trivial power they have over someone else. I hate insurance agents and DMV clerks and elementary school crossing guards. You don’t get a pass because you’re protecting the children, asshole . I hate the new religion of protecting the children. I hate the body armor they have to wear just to ride a bike. I hate new parents who think they did something special. You didn’t. You did the most ordinary thing on the face of the earth. I hate people abuse kids and people who neglect kids and people who brag about their kids and people who encourage their kids for doing nothing, “Oooo, what a good breath you took, Bobby! You’re the best breather in the whole world! You’re going to get a big gold breathing star and some cake!” I hate cake, and all the stuff that pretends not to be cake, like muffins. Muffins are cake. Corn bread is cake. Don’t eat it for breakfast. I hate eating. I hate the tyranny of it. We’re all addicts. “Oooo, if I don’t get more food I’ll die.” I hate grocery stores with that blood-sucking lighting and over air-conditioned climate control, and seeing all the people I don’t want to talk to in the vegetable aisle. I hate the industrial vegetables they sell and the waxed fruit. When was the last time you got a decent apple at the grocery?

I hate the seasons, and I especially hate the change of seasons. I hate daylight savings time. I just lost an hour of my life again. So I get it back in the fall? Who cares? Daylight Savings should be for those industrial farmers only. I hate winter, it’s cold and miserable. I hate summer just as miserable but hot. I hate spring -- it makes me want things I can’t have any more. I hate autumn -- it reminds me of death, and I hate death more than anything. I hate snow, it’s just about shoveling and trudging and watching little kids have fun and feeling old. I hate rain, it just means leaks and floods and water down your back and wet socks. I hate sunny days, too, Blue skies – is that really the only color they could come up with? Sunny days make me want to stay home from work and play; rainy days make me want to stay home from work and read in front of a fire. So I guess I hate work most of all. And I hate being lazy, but I don’t have the energy to change.

I even hate ranting about how much I hate everything. Hate is exhausting, I don’t know how all those ‘hate groups’ manage it. Hate is a full time job. The pay is terrible. No benefits. No overtime. No vacations. To hell with it. I quit.

I’ll start loving things again. I’ll start over, starting now. I’ll start with good coffee and some high speed internet.

We’ll see how long it lasts.