Saturday, August 22, 2009

Scenes We'd Like to See: Town Hall Thug Meets Thug

It’s a typical early evening Town Hall meeting in Corn City, Nebraska. The local high school gym is overheated and the air conditioning broke down hours ago. The place is packed and giant speakers blast the meeting to the parking lot where another thousand people have gathered.

It looks like one more Democratic rout: a few thugs have come to the meeting with their talking points. They arrived early and found good positions inside, near the big podium under the basketball net. Senator Harry Hapless is trying to run the meeting but they’re shouting him down. “You’re stealing my country!” “Obama is a socialist!” “Take your death panels and shove em up yer commie ass!” “East shit and die, Nazi scum!” -- and other examples of reasoned political discourse, circa 2009.

But this meeting is different. Harry isn’t quite as hapless as his unfortunate name would indicate. Harry paid attention to the last two dozen town hall meeting and came up with an idea distinctly alien to his fellow democrats. He gave this long-winded description to his staff: “Confrontational parity to equalize aggression and counteract disruptive behavior”.

In other words: fighting back.

Harry served in Desert Storm with the First Marine Expeditionary Brigade out of Fort Pendelton. Many of his fellow Marines have joined the private secutity industry; some became international mercenaries. Others went back to cvivilian life but kept up at the dojo and the firing range. They all appreciate their Veterans’ benefits and the espansion of those benefits under the Obama Administration. They also have a boyish love for the First Amendment and the Constitution generally. When they got Harry’s calls they were glad to oblige. Many of them flew to Nebraska on their own nickel just for the privilege of the defending the rights they went to war to preserve.

In other wards: there are some bad ass democrats in that gym tonight.

Here’s a moment you won’t see on Fox news (though they have the tape)

Paid redneck thug: “You’re a stinkin liar! We don’t want to hear your stinkin’ lies!”

Marine Staff Sergeant Albert Dawes(Ret.): “That’s enough, sir.”

PRT: “Shut the fuck up, ya commie piece of shit! I’m talking to my Senator here!”

AD: “Actually, you’re rendering any real conversation impossible.”

PRT: “Wanta make something out of it faggot?”

AD: “Oh yes. Oh yes, I most certainly do. So I have to ask you to leave now.”

The gym has gone silent while this confrontation plays out.

PRT “Oh yeah? Well I have to ask you to go fuck yourself!

He pushes Dawes; or tries to. Dawes side-steps the clumsy attack and pushes him along the line of his bulky momentum: he stumbles into three of his friends. When he turns, Dawes has a knife in his hand. He holds it by the blade and extends it to the thug.

PRT” What the --?

AD: “Take it.”

PRT: “What the hell? You’re givin’ me a knife? You wanta die tonight?"

AD. “No, I want it absolutely clear that it was self-defense when kick your ass.”

PRT: “Any way you want it, shitball.”

The thug grabs the knife and charges. There’s a blur of motion, then he’s flat on his face on the floor. The other three attack. Dawes takes the first two out with a pair of straight punches to the throat, catches the third one’s wrist and straightens his elbow with the heel of his hand.

AD “I’m going to break your arm now. It’s going to hurt. I want you to remember that pain the next time you decide to bully someone weaker than you. Can you do that for me?

PRT “Yeah, yeah – just let me go – “

There’s a crack like a rotten tree branch breaking, and the thug collapses to the gym floor moaning and clutching his arm. Dawes turns to the Senator.

AD: “I’m sorry, sir. Please continue. I think the woman had asked you about the benefits of a single payer plan. Or does anyone else want to interrupt?”

No one does.

The meeting proceeds, civilization protected the old-fashioned way: by an overwhelming show of superior force.

MSNBC shows the tape. The idea catches on.

And somewhere Jimmy Carter shakes his head, saddened and baffled.

Rush Limbaugh is speechless.

And Howard Dean smiles.

And Rahm Emmanuel allows himself a single fist pump.

I’m with him.

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